Hello Blogger World! I hope you had a nice holiday season. Soon I will reveal some of the posts I've been cooking up, but for now you get movie reviews! Because I saw so many this break, I've elected to discuss each of them in blurb form. Ready? Well too bad. I'm going anyway.
Tron: Legacy- A Missed Opportunity
What's more disappointing than a bad film? A bad film that was so close to being entertaining. Here is a littany of missed opportunites Tron had:
1) Your story is nothing new, so use all the conventions! Let the heroes fall in love, let the protagonist have his "daddy I missed you" moment, let there be pointless but cool fighting, let the grid make some lofty message about deeper humanity. If you use a story telling skeleton, at least put some meat on the bones.
2) Jeff Bridges is supposedly the best actor of his generation. Even though I hate him, you could at least give him a character with ONE major hangup whose intentions make sense front to back. And if you must, give him screen time to do his thing.
3) Speaking of talentless actors, your two leads may be awkward but they're pretty. Let them be declothed within visible range. It may be Disney, but even High School Musical had shirtless people. They've got good bodies and that's about all that's going for them. You can show them off...or let the actors flounder in the cheesy, nonsensical script. Your choice.
4) The movie actually tried to hit on an intriguing idea. Jeff Bridges, who created the grid, made a copy of himself, Clu, whose prerogative was to "make the world perfect". In this pursuit, Clu organizes a genocide of a foreign human like program and frees the rest of the programs from Jeff Bridges' "tyrannical rule". Jeff Bridges is interchangeably referred to as the creator and a user which gives him more power of the grid than programs (more on this later). This could have turned into an interesting creation myth, peoples' separation from their creator, the right a maker has over his creations, God complex kind of story. Instead, Bridges was a whiny, pseudo Zen dude who couldn't make up his mind. He ended it all by destroying the grid! They had their foot in the door...didn't quite step in it enough.
5) Going off that, Garrett Hedlund is his SON. Son of the creator is sent down the world in the aftermath of a genocide and a harsh gladiatorial feeling rule. Could we make some kind of metaphor with this set up? Savior complex to go with the God complex? No? Right then, I'll just sit in my corner reveling at your scintillating dialog which goes something like "Warm...uh, radiant...dip dee dur Cheesy and nonlinear."
6) Finally, the most astounding thing that Tron left out WAS ACTIIOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNN!!! What's the point of an expensive visual medium if you don't overuse it and stage epic fight sequences. The camera kept cutting away from kick ass moments or they were simply written out with a character changing their mind. WHAT??? I paid for stylized, under justified, 3D violence and you bailed at the "Luke I am your father" moment! Fail Tron. Fail.
Black Swan- A Swan of Too Many Personalities
First of all, let me tell you that Black Swan is not a dance film. It is a semi-horror, kind of drama, soft-core lesbian porn movie. I hoped that despite the horror feel to the previews, that the hype about Natalie Portman's performance was more representative of the film's tone. I was wrong. There was barely any dramatic material, more of a visceral experience than anything.
But the main problem? Natalie Portman's burgeoning double identity that reflected her role in Swan Lake, had more personalities than the United States of Tara. She was the White Swan to her mother, Lily (her competition), the director, and herself...and herself again. Hi Ben, I'm Victor. Don't see Black Swan unless you like being tense and watching amateur masturbation.
Now for a blitz. I realize I didn't watch any movies about cars, but these are so short and fast that maybe we can pretend that it has something to do with speeding vehicles? No? Stretching as much as Tron? Right...I'll move on.
Easy A- Fun, Witty, Cute, Honest, Worth Seeing 4 times in a row, better than Juno.
King's Speech- The biggest old people draw to the theater in a long time. I hope young people go as well. Sharp, Void of Dead Air, Great Actors, Inspiring, and somehow involving WWII...which means it'll nab lots of Oscar noms. When does a WWII film not?
True Grit- I didn't see this, but it's supposedly funny and shows off Jeff Bridges in the good way. Whatever.
Harry Potter- Yes it came out a long time ago but I need enough for a blitz! Um, faithful adaptation, more colorful than the last one (I mean this literally. Seriously, what happened to the color HP 6?), humorous, Steve Kloves is a genius (whoops did that slip in?), and na- ... hold on- HP has naked Harry and Hermione projections? What, you thought this was the last chance to show Emma Watson partially nude just because she's getting an education at an ivy league school and has been seriously considering leaving acting since the 5th film? Psh, don't be so desperate. Just tell the Tron cast to strip off...actually, Black Swan's got you covered.
And that was really long and annoying. Congratulations if you stayed the course.
Reaching,
Jamin
