Saturday, February 26, 2011

Thoughts From The Road

On the road, the strangest things occur to you. So here is a collection of random tangents that popped into my head during my various travels for my college auditions presented in no particular order.

I guess it’s not a startling revelation, but actual chocolate in hot chocolate was delicious.

MLK day is marked with tolerance producing educational slaps in the face. But as a kid I and other members of my generation took for granted diversity and generosity of spirit regardless of color. There’s a danger in educating too much and then creating the racial hyper-awareness that is to be discouraged. I didn’t used to think in terms of race but now it factors into how amiably I approach people. Kindness in general even preferential kindness isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but I liked it better when I could judge people without subconsciously questioning my racial tolerance.

When you get the wide sweep of things, big cities look like they were built with legos.

My friend Hailey was right- New Yorkers on the whole look a lot weirder than Bostonians.

Panera needs to become a west coast chain…Now.

Gentlemen’s clubs are not gentlemanly. This language seems sexist. I mean, why does an institution of debauchery get to sound like a sign of distinguishment? I suppose if there were ladies clubs where men peddled sexual services I might not insinuate the existence of these institutions promote misogyny, baseness, and iniquity. Then again, I think this idea crossed my mind because I just generally think such practices are inherently dissolute.

Speaking of sexualization of people, a lot of gay guys have a sense of entitlement during the courting process. They think just because they like something they can purchase it even though their own credit is bad. I don’t care if you want to buy a 2011 Bentley; your credit score only qualifies you for a used Nissan Stanza. You know what I’m sayin? No? Ok, I’ll admit this analogy was a stretch.

Pigeons have low proximity awareness in NYC- twice they’ve taken off and nearly flown into my face!

It’s such a relief to be done auditioning because at this point my admissions decision is out of my hands so I feel absolved of responsibility. Of course, the excitement and grueling hours of work begins again when I head off to college but who’s thinking about that?

Here's me crossing my fingers that I'll be able to go to college next year,
Jamin

Sunday, February 20, 2011

I Am Really Misleading

I am number four. I am alien. I am being hunted. I am trippy orgasmic fit on the beach. I am soooo cover blown. I am need to do get the hell out of dodge. I am new name. I am John Frickin' Smith (as if that name wasn't gonna attract attention. Ding ding! Indian child molester or noble, but stupid, love interest depending on which version you watched.) I am in newly dubbed "Ironic, Ohio" (Ironic that I suggest a new town name that's quite literal much like the title of my film. I'm not sure I know what this word means. But pretty girl is stalking me with her camera so I play funny).

I am not knowing the meaning of surreptitious. I am friends with geek (who I probably beat up off camera). I am liking pretty girl. I am find out that I only love one girl for the rest of my life 'cause I am from sentimental alien plant. I am f@#$^d; she's a dumb blonde (oh wait, so am I). I am inexplicably endowed with super powers well into puberty so it must be for plot purposes. I am over an hour into the film and still in this crappy town. I am no longer worried aliens with gills on their face are going to sniff-I mean-snuff me? I am protector dead. I am he was killed by a spear in a truck. (Why was he assigned as my secret service when you could just stab him?)

I am is screwed. I am going back (predictably) for pretty girl. I am surrounded by police, my high school enemy, and villains no scarier than metal head biker gang (you know, the ones who try to scare away the world with shaved heads and tatoos 'cause they not so secretly have daddy issues?) I am is screwed so hardcore. I am had time to develop photos with pretty girl? I am is totally stupid. I am knowing now developing photos is bad idea because it gives semi-deranged alien enemies whose sole purpose is to kill me enough time to find and surround me. I am saved by pretty's girl's Australian sister. (Ow! Oh, sorry, you're not related?) I am also badass with amazing control over my super powers not to mention fast reflexes, parkour mastery, and unflappable hair. (On his death bed, protector told me I could do it without him. He was right. Why did I need him again? I should fought the alien dudes and then you could've lived you dumbass!)

I am at the end of the movie with no idea what my alien origins are, a blonde female sidekick, a lapdog nerd friend with a missing father complex, and a vague sense that I need to "protect the world". I am Superman. I am, wait...there's 6 of us. I am f&*$ we're at the end of film and all we did was kill a small team Star Trek rip off, gun toting Emo cousins?

All kidding aside, this film wasn't THIS bad. But you now have a pretty good idea what the dialog was like. The scenes accompanying them though actually accomplished moving the plot with clear purpose. The thing that destroyed this film, other than the IQs of the characters, was the lack of set-up.

This film would've been much better had there been foreshadowing, clues for the characters to uncover, and BITS of back story about the characters revealed incrementally throughout the film. The grand slam approach this film seemed to unintentionally take revealed important facts about people and the story all at once without any audience anticipation. There was nothing holding our attention while the intervening dialog (which in itself is enough to make you want stab someone's eye out) was taking place. This was unfortunate because I feel like people still left the film able to talk clearly about what happened.

Alien planet was decimated by a power hungry rival alien race now seeking to enslave earth. The only serious opposition are these 9 aliens originally meant to protect their home planet and given their badassness at the end of the film it's easy to see why they'd want them removed from the picture first. Number 4 feels outcast, antsy, and hor-I mean prone to love. His geek friend finds meaning again through him because he vindicates his father's belief in aliens and represents potentially finding him again. Pretty girl likes him because he won't hold her to her old cheerleader identity that high school is shunning her for abandoning.

Sounds like a good movie with decent characters right? The action sequences were the best I've seen in years. I hate it when films have these super awesome heroes who only manage to flip a car. Come on, we're a spoiled viewing public. I Am Number Four at least knew to bring out the indulgent, creatively over-violent action! Other than that, this film was a good example of how plot without premise makes for a much less interesting movie. Oh, and before I let you go- the form taken at the top of the piece was partially to illustrate the stupidity of the title and dialog, but also to ask why does Alex Pettyfer speak like he's just had his tonsils pulled out? I mean, dude, I know you're British, but lesser Brits than you have pulled off an American accent. Are you just genuinely speech challenged?

Not Seeing the Sequels,
Jamin

Really Useless Blogging

Dear Friends,
I have many drafts of blog posts that have been sitting on my laptop for weeks now but just don't feel like editing them. So today's post will be composed of topics that under ordinary circumstances I would never muse about in public. Today you will be privy to a few of the private questions I ask in my head but don't merit intellectual expounding because they're factual and should therefore be looked up on google instead of pondered in a blog. However, since the answering of these questions won't fill a significant gap in my knowledge, I prefer to be left in the dark and make funny, useless queries. Lucky for you!

As I typed the last paragraph, my dog laid down on the ground and it appeared that his hind legs were sprawled directly behind him. This leads me to wonder are dogs' hind legs double jointed? Or maybe contortionist like flexibility is something unique to pure-bred silver-haired dapple dachshunds. Or maybe this is a completely unique genetic occurrence specific to our epileptic, mildy retarded, obese, socially maniacal, mistaken for a mut by his breeders dog. That or, since I have hitherto-for never witnessed completely back extended hind quarters on dogs and do not think it biologically probable, this is a trick of the light and there is a thoroughly unexciting reason that Rudolph Marik Bartels looks like a Costco pre-baked chicken when he sprawls for a mid-morning nap.

Another couple questions, this time regarding dog behavior:
Does the Dachshund mixed with Yorkshire Terrier mixed with Poodle inherently create a dog with cat like tendencies or is it just our weird prowling miniature raccoon?
Why do dogs like the damn floor?! It's disgusting, annoying, makes me worry about your mental state, and makes me much less sympathetic when you vomit afterwards. Got that dogs? I've actually looked up why dogs lick the ground and it turns out that's pretty typical of dogs with neurological deficiencies like ours...but these claims are unsubstantiated by lab testing and official veterinary publications so I still pose this question to the great wide internet anyway.

When building a house, what is the point of laying down hardwood floor and then a carpet on top of it? Surely the future homeowners would prefer gleaming wood to dust trapping, allergy inducing, stain-able carpet. And even if they don't, they can put the dumb carpet in themselves. Don't waste your time and money. Weird.

Are stop light coordinators sadists? That's not a factual inquiry. I just think it's asinine that instead of propelling traffic along in steady, continuous flows by staggering the lights, stoplights seem to turn green all at once and therefore turn red all at once. This consequently ushers cars about two blocks at a time in a little group that gets to know each other through many peeping glares and silent commiseration at the inadequate amount of distance traveled.

Also, what's the point of traffic cameras? If haven't seen or heard of anyone getting ticketed for running a red light after getting caught by those little, guilt producing devils. I seriously think they're like placebos. Only there as a psychological disciplinary tool...at least to those who care about traffic laws.

Why are there speed LIMITS? Why not just SPEEDS like in Europe? Stop kidding yourself America. The only people who regard those posted placards as the maximum acceptable traveling rate are grannies and OCD manifested in bitter attention to the rules. Even cops don't mind the "limit". (Hmmmmm irresponsible cop behavior warrants its own post.)

I could keep going, but somewhere along the way I stopped asking meaningless questions about purely factual matters that I was too lazy to look up myself. Maybe I'll try being stupid and forgetting that we live in an information age some other time. That leads me to one last question: Why bother asking a purely factual question when you can look it up on the internet? All the old people complain about how much our lives are consumed by the internet. At least prove their assumption wrong that it's making us stupider by showing them what an information mine it is. When you pose a question that is both irrelevant and useless to answer because there's no expert on geology in the room, either you momentarily halt a conversation or cause more idiots to waste time speculating when they really have no idea either. And that, like, you know, makes you look, like, retarded.

Happy Sunday!
Jamin (I realized I stopped putting this cheesy moniker at the bottom of my other posts so NOW IT'S BACK!!!)

Monday, February 14, 2011

Spider-Man: Turn on the Story

Spider-man the musical. After years of toiling to even get off the ground, it's finally here...and with lots of bad press. Despite the hitches, Spider-man has the potential for being a really good musical. There were, however, several thorns that need to be pruned for this show to be a critical and commercial success. Let's start with some positive things.

Reeve Carney, who plays Peter Parker/Spider-man is charming, just nerdy enough and likable. His voice is smooth and rapturous and hopefully this project coupled with the "Tempest" film launches his career. Jennifer Damiano was easy to watch as usual. Nothing spectacular about her performance or her songs but it was nice to see a familiar face. The rest of the cast was polished and enjoyable to watch performing acrobatic tricks, flying around the house, acting like nerds and hip-hop dancing bullies, and shoe-wearing spiders. The cast is dynamite. If only they had material where they could totally show off their chops...but more on that later.

Surprisingly, TV Carpio had a standout performance as the newly created character Arachne. It was nice to know she was an even better singer live and with other material besides reproduced Beatles numbers. What did confuse me about her character was the muddled half-proper/half-cockney British accent. And why is it that's the go to dialect for the more ominous characters?

Despite Carpio's performance, Arachne took valuable time and focus away from Peter's narrative. Her mystic, Greek origins don't fit within the science centered Spidey universe. At times I felt the show was more about her rather than the deepening of Spiderman's mythography. As much as I liked her concept- it wasn't Spiderman.

Going in, I was apprehensive about Bono and the Edge writing the music. However I saw why someone thought this would be a brilliant choice for a Spider-Man musical. The rock score was well suited for the action sequences and underscoring dialog. I thought it also communicated the right tone for the show. What it did not do was help the actors get to the heart of the characters. The problem with the composing pair (other than the fact it sounded like a Bono album)is that their music sets a mood for five minutes rather than starting with one objective and then propelling the character to another one. This was especially disappointing given how much I liked the cast. A few melodic tweaks that gave their songs climax and few moments of vocally showing off would've endeared the audience to them more fully.

The marriage of the power of Bono's music to a seasoned Broadway lyricist might have made this show great. As it is, it rests on shear spectacle and the ensuing horror stories that have generated the string of spoofs.

The script suffered from the same defects that many scripts do today- ideas without premise. The geek chorus, Arachne being the true origin of Spiderman, the villain fashion show, an apocalyptic Spidery villain team-up, flying over the audience, and moving set pillars with bright, animated action sequences, were all good ideas. They're not even that far from being connected in a single story. But as the show is currently written they only serve to make one element detract from the other.
For example:
1)It was unclear whether the geek chorus were fans telling the story or actually making it up. Their level of omniscience varied throughout the show. They could've actually been an interesting plot tool but right now they seem like time fillers to set up the action sequences.
2) Speaking of, the random pop-up like set pieces were cool to look at, but muddled the line between this being an actual story or a comic book brought to life. Either is a fine choice just pick one.
3) Arachne could've plausibly been inserted into the Spiderman origin story if she was not depicted as a being suspended in the astral plane. Perhaps she's the spider that bit Parker in the first place brought to life by another experiment gone wrong?
4) If you're going to go whole hog and spend 65 million on a show, why not go super, major over-the-top? Instead of simply computer images with stylized movement, why not entire filmed action scenes that bleed over into the live peoples' sequences above the audience?
5) When the villains made the Sinister Six and began terrorizing the world causing global blackouts, I was like "this would be a totally cool idea for a story!" And then it ended anticlimactically with Peter Parker punching them to smithereens in one blow each cause the whole thing was an...oh wait, that's a plot spoiler. Point being, this had epic awesomeness potential but ended quickly and the "actual" climax was severely less satisfying.
All these ideas were good but weren't executed to their fullest extent and not contextualized within a story that connected them together in a way that made a point about man and Spider-man.

The basic structure of a cliche story is there but for some reason, Julie Taymour and her book co-writer self consciously opted away from TELLING IT! This gave the plot a random outburst feel with things like "Will you marry me?" getting blurted out without any set-up. Look people, what makes Spiderman an enduring hero is his vulnerability, charm, and everyman persona. Don't avoid asking the basic questions that make his story real to people. Let him deal with the struggle to accept responsibility ON STAGE. Let the relationship with MJ blossom and crumble and come back to life again so the possibility of her death is more poignant and consequential. It's not fun to tear lovers apart if we didn't see them struggle to build something. Where was the romance? Where the identity crisis? Where was the "rise" of our hero? I promise you Taymour, a strong story COUPLED with visual phenomena will make us LOVE your musical. If we wanted only flashy light displays and loud, nonsensical music we can go to a Gaga concert.

Unlike other expensive visual spectacles Like Phantom, Wicked and Lion King (another Julie Taymour creation), Spider-Man doesn't have the staying power these shows do (though I would argue neither does Phantom but apparently the whole disagrees with me since its the longest running Broadway show in history). Connection, innovation, raw feeling, spectacle, and heart were there but clarity of story and accessible music was not. Unfortunately the negatives may trump the positives. I hope revisions will be made before the official opening. Hopefully egos aren't getting in the way of making this a GREAT show and a mainstay of Broadway.

PS
There were minor glitches at this performance but nothing as exciting as someone breaking their neck. Here they are:
1)A "weaver" at the beginning couldn't get unhooked from her wire. A crew member ran on stage and set her free in time to shimmy down to the floor in an ethereal manner.
2)Arachne was not hooked into the balcony wires in time for her entrance. This was the only time the whole show stopped. The actors were instructed to restart the scene so Carpio could make her dramatic entrance on the cue line.
3)The Osborne "green goblin" machine got stuck with the trap door open. The show was not stopped and the platform with the machine was lifted with plenty of time for Norman Osborne to enact the scene of his transformation.
4)Reeve Carney cracked towards the end of his last song. Small but noticeable.

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Airport Security

Airport security is a joke. I have not been asked to go through the body scanner at any time when passing through security. I’m offended people don’t see my unassuming, slender, Asian, well-dressed persona as a threat. Seriously, I could mastermind a terrorist plot! More seriously, the fact that the selection process for body scans is arbitrary makes the whole idea pointless. Why have them if by chance someone smuggling advanced weaponry or drugs is lucky enough to bypass the screening?

Furthermore the airport security staff isn’t very intimidating. If I was a terrorist I would be not be deterred by the staff or the scanners. If I were really hell-bent on causing catastrophe and societal panic, my motivation would be greater than the possible fear factor meant to be created by the added levels of “security”. I don’t believe these or any added measures that don’t totally deprive us of our rights will ever scare terrorists away. Someone will always be angry and feel powerless enough to not only resort to terrorism, but be innovative enough to succeed.

On my way back, there were screens playing a video to remind us why we needed security. Can you say 1984, V for Vendetta, every dystopian world ever imagined? We can’t let our country move in this oppressive direction.

If we want to prove to terrorists that their acts of violence mean nothing then we must ignore them. Remember, terrorism works when the victims targeted give in to fear and wildly overreact to isolated incidents. Widespread hyperbolic fear of terrorism and these added security measures prove that terrorists have control over your minds. The national security standards can’t do much to ebb terrorism. National powers can only deal with other national powers. If we really wanted to combat terrorism we would either need to change the tyrannical, arrogant image of America that upsets terrorists or simply not acknowledge terrorists’ actions and try to enjoy the amazing convenience that are airplanes. And we must do so unabashedly with our full complement of rights and dignity, that we fight so hard for, still intact.