Really Useless Blogging

Dear Friends,
I have many drafts of blog posts that have been sitting on my laptop for weeks now but just don't feel like editing them. So today's post will be composed of topics that under ordinary circumstances I would never muse about in public. Today you will be privy to a few of the private questions I ask in my head but don't merit intellectual expounding because they're factual and should therefore be looked up on google instead of pondered in a blog. However, since the answering of these questions won't fill a significant gap in my knowledge, I prefer to be left in the dark and make funny, useless queries. Lucky for you!

As I typed the last paragraph, my dog laid down on the ground and it appeared that his hind legs were sprawled directly behind him. This leads me to wonder are dogs' hind legs double jointed? Or maybe contortionist like flexibility is something unique to pure-bred silver-haired dapple dachshunds. Or maybe this is a completely unique genetic occurrence specific to our epileptic, mildy retarded, obese, socially maniacal, mistaken for a mut by his breeders dog. That or, since I have hitherto-for never witnessed completely back extended hind quarters on dogs and do not think it biologically probable, this is a trick of the light and there is a thoroughly unexciting reason that Rudolph Marik Bartels looks like a Costco pre-baked chicken when he sprawls for a mid-morning nap.

Another couple questions, this time regarding dog behavior:
Does the Dachshund mixed with Yorkshire Terrier mixed with Poodle inherently create a dog with cat like tendencies or is it just our weird prowling miniature raccoon?
Why do dogs like the damn floor?! It's disgusting, annoying, makes me worry about your mental state, and makes me much less sympathetic when you vomit afterwards. Got that dogs? I've actually looked up why dogs lick the ground and it turns out that's pretty typical of dogs with neurological deficiencies like ours...but these claims are unsubstantiated by lab testing and official veterinary publications so I still pose this question to the great wide internet anyway.

When building a house, what is the point of laying down hardwood floor and then a carpet on top of it? Surely the future homeowners would prefer gleaming wood to dust trapping, allergy inducing, stain-able carpet. And even if they don't, they can put the dumb carpet in themselves. Don't waste your time and money. Weird.

Are stop light coordinators sadists? That's not a factual inquiry. I just think it's asinine that instead of propelling traffic along in steady, continuous flows by staggering the lights, stoplights seem to turn green all at once and therefore turn red all at once. This consequently ushers cars about two blocks at a time in a little group that gets to know each other through many peeping glares and silent commiseration at the inadequate amount of distance traveled.

Also, what's the point of traffic cameras? If haven't seen or heard of anyone getting ticketed for running a red light after getting caught by those little, guilt producing devils. I seriously think they're like placebos. Only there as a psychological disciplinary tool...at least to those who care about traffic laws.

Why are there speed LIMITS? Why not just SPEEDS like in Europe? Stop kidding yourself America. The only people who regard those posted placards as the maximum acceptable traveling rate are grannies and OCD manifested in bitter attention to the rules. Even cops don't mind the "limit". (Hmmmmm irresponsible cop behavior warrants its own post.)

I could keep going, but somewhere along the way I stopped asking meaningless questions about purely factual matters that I was too lazy to look up myself. Maybe I'll try being stupid and forgetting that we live in an information age some other time. That leads me to one last question: Why bother asking a purely factual question when you can look it up on the internet? All the old people complain about how much our lives are consumed by the internet. At least prove their assumption wrong that it's making us stupider by showing them what an information mine it is. When you pose a question that is both irrelevant and useless to answer because there's no expert on geology in the room, either you momentarily halt a conversation or cause more idiots to waste time speculating when they really have no idea either. And that, like, you know, makes you look, like, retarded.

Happy Sunday!
Jamin (I realized I stopped putting this cheesy moniker at the bottom of my other posts so NOW IT'S BACK!!!)