Mononucleosis

This goes out to all my peeps suffering from bad living situation mono.


If you come home to a room full of drunken idiots, you have a roommate problem.

If you sit out in the hall for a few hours to avoid getting written up for an alcohol violation, you have a roommate problem.

If you retreat to a friend's dorm at midnight in the hopes that your roommate will pass out by the time you get back, you have a roommate problem.

If your arm drapes over the side of your bed and spills a giant beer can, you have a roommate problem.

If your desk is littered with homework papers and empty chasers, you have a roommate problem.

If your recycling bin overflows every week even though you never buy bottled beverages, you have a roommate problem.

If you deposit said recycling into the floor below's receptacles so no one can trace the beer cans to your room, you have a roommate problem.

If you are woken up at 3 in the morning by a gaggle of giggling girls who your roommate doesn't even know, you have a roommate problem.

If those boozed up bimbos bump your roommate from the premises, you have a roommate problem.

If you wake up at 4 in the morning to the murmurs of a romantic skype conversation, you have a roommate problem.

If on another drunken escapade your roommate makes out with a picture of the girl he shares these romantic, late-night colloquies with, you have a roommate problem.

If you huddle at the base of the bathroom door to make sure your roommate is still breathing, you have a roommate problem.

If you can't see the floor because apparently laundry is an ancient, mysterious art, you have a roommate problem.

If you feign sleep in an attempt to make your roommate and his talking-at-a-perfectly-audible-decibel friend leave because it's 1 in the morning and you have an 8am class (which you have every day except Friday), you have a roommate problem.

If conversely you have to go about your daily activities silently because hangovers produce nocturnal creatures, you have a roommate problem.

If while cleaning the bathroom you find your sink is clogged by an indistinct goop that strangely resembles your roommate's facial cream, you have a roommate problem.

If after your roommate has attended the live version of alcohol EDU you open the fridge to find a massive beer can of which you have no idea where he keeps getting these abnormally sized things, you have a roommate problem.

If you waste inordinate amounts of time complaining about your roommate to sympathetic friends who are nonetheless tired of hearing about it, you have a roommate problem.

If your roommate transfers, you have a roommate problem... solved.

#roommateproblems

Thank goodness my other roommate is quiet.

Hoping the replacement is just as wonderful as this one,
Jamin